This Will Be FUN!

Okay so one of my new favorite blogs is 2Birds1Blog and today I was reading a post from earlier this year and it reminded me so much of myself that I have decided to do a fun little exercise. I am going to paste the entry in here (giving credit, of course – see above) and then I am going to talk about how I have done close to or almost the exact same thing. Everything in red is from 2B1B – everything in black is from me. Feel free to do it for yourself as well. HERE GOES:

An Annotated Anthology of Awkward

One of my defining characteristics has always been that I’m “charmingly awkward.” Charmingly awkward just means that means I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m awkward and frequently find myself in awkward situations, but said awkwardness doesn’t interfere with being able to function in society on a daily basis (for the most part). Well, tonight I was feeling a bit nostalgic and decided to read the LiveJournal I kept in college. I thought my emo little Internet journal would be full of rich and compelling entries about growing up, finding myself, discovering what I wanted to do with my life and the like. Instead, my journal is basically an anthology of awkwardness. I feel like at least 70% of my entries end with one of the following: “God I’m so awkward,” “God my life is awkward,” or “I am so painfully awkward.”

Here are some choice excerpts:

• In college writing this morning we had a round table discussion that I was not having. Instead I decided to fantasize about watching Golden Girls and eating a delicious bagel with Helena, Caitlin and Allie after class…because the only reason I go to college writing is to get a bagel on the way back. Anyways, apparently I was thinking about how sweet my bagel would be when people started counting off 1 through 5 as a means of assigning groups for some activity we had to do. So then all of a sudden I’m hearing “1,2,3,4″ and then everyone is looking at me and I had to be like “uhhh…how high are we counting here?” and my professor was like “…..5. You are 5.” God I’m awkward. 
• C: Kind of like how the only reason I used to go to the SUB was so I could get a kolache from Shipley’s…no way was I really studying OR going to Dr. Pepper Hour. Also, I have totally zoned out in class (not to mention in my Leadership class while we were at the Ropes Course, which luckily ended with no serious injuries) and been called on and looked completely idiotic because I had no clue what was going on.

 

• Yesterday I had a total Tommy Boy moment. I got out of Religion early because we had a test, so I was going to jet over to Hurst to drop a paper off that was due in a half an hour. So I walk up the marble stairs to the old doors and I was tugging on them and it wouldn’t open and I was like “SHIT! THEY LOCKED ‘EM!” I was pacing back and forth wondering what I was going to do. Finally I just walked away and then these construction workers were like “MISS, YOU JUST HAVE TO PUSH THE DOOR NOT PULL!! IT’S NOT THAT HARD!” I was like “oh…hah…thanks.” Awkward.
• C: Remember freshman year, when we had an actual fountain that looked like the Vietnam Memorial in the middle of campus (between Carroll Science and the SUB)? Yeah, I fell  in. Multiple times. Many times while trying NOT to fall in. Also, when I wanted to be a Biology major for about 2 weeks I got a C- on my first exam and thought that was the BEST GRADE EVER and had a total, “I passsssed!! I’m gonna graduate” moment, even though it was 10 days into freshman year.

 

• I was so tired this morning. When I was getting coffee before class, instead of pouring the cream into my coffee and throwing the empty container in the trashcan, I poured the cream in the trashcan and then dropped the container into my coffee. A janitor laughed at me. God I’m awkward…
• C: This is what happens when your college puts a Starbucks in the parking garage and you and your roomate DRIVE to the other side of campus, even though you live a block away from campus, and you just want a double tall mocha that badly even though since you stayed up the whole night before and you could have slept another 45 minutes. Ohhh Garage-majal, I miss you.

• I fell asleep in class today but snapped back awake when my head did that dozing off thing. I went to chug some coffee and didn’t realize my mouth was no where near the opening…so I just put the cup up to my mouth and leaned back and poured coffee all over myself. Ugh, awkward.
• C: The first time this happened to me, I wasn’t even in college yet. I was sitting in my AP Chemistry class and instead of my head snapping back, I actually fell forward and hit my forehead on the lab desk (and knocked over my coffee). This was particularly bad because my teacher was a Vietnam vet who was sliced hip-to-hip by “Charlie” and upon hearing the loud noise, proceeded to yell at us all to, “GET ON YOUR BELLIES!” Very bad.

 

• Today I was writing my paper and listening to my itunes and I double clicked the song “Bootylicious” and a window popped up that said “WARNING: YOUR COMPUTER IS NOT AUTHORIZED TO PLAY “BOOTYLICIOUS” I died laughing because all I could think of was “Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? Meg’s computer, can you handle this? I DON’T THINK YOU’RE AUTHORIZED TO HANDLE THIS, WOOOOOOOO!” …Sorry. That was awkward. [note: It's a whole other level of special when you can make it awkward with yourself in your own personal journal.]
• C: I just think this is funny.

 

• My dorm phone has been broken for a really long time [note: dorm phones?! How archaic!] Some old guy was just banging on my door. I freaked out thinking it’s the guy that’s going around harassing girls on my floor, but it turns out he’s here to fix our phone. Finally! The only problem is that I have Golden Girls on and he keeps stopping to watch it for extended periods of time. He’s like openly laughing out loud at it. I really have to take a shower now, but I don’t want to prance around in my robe for him.Ugh, I don’t want to awkwardly ask him to stop watching Golden Girls and fix my phone and get out of my dorm….This sucks.
• C: My first DAY in the dorm, my neighbor’s dad was helping her move in but since it was after 6:00 pm (we had visiting hours, yea private school!), I figured no one except residents would be in the hall. WRONG! The minute I step into the hall, wearing only a towel and carring my shower caddy, I RUN SMACK DAB INTO MY NEIGHBOR’S DAD. Also, I watch(ed) Golden Girls whenever possible

 

• I forgot to bring a jewel case for the CD that my design project is on. So what do I use to protect my CD? A ZIPLOCK BAG WITH LITTLE BITS OF CRUNCHED GOLDFISH CRACKERS AT THE BOTTOM I FOUND IN MY MESSENGER BAG FROM GOD ONLY KNOWS WHEN. Who the fuck does that? And then to compensate, I wrote “sorry about the bag” on it, but I forgot the “y” in the word sorry. So I had to draw a little carrot and a y, making myself look like an even bigger asshole. So now I’m that girl who came into class 20 minutes late the first day, who’s computer is never connected to the server and who presented her first project in a ziplock bag with bits of goldfish crackers and “sorr for the bag” scrawled on it. I am so fucking awkward. [note: I damn near had a panic attack remembering this incident. The next time our class met, the professor (whom I had such a huge crush on) held up the bag in front of the entire class and delivered a five-minute lecture on how disrespectful I was and how designers who don't take pride in their deliverable should change their major. I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. I went back to my dorm room and cried my fucking eyes out. Oh my God.]
• C: In college, I didn’t really think I would “need” to know how to use PowerPoint, so I never really tried to learn it. That is, until I had to do a presentation for my honors class and every other person had all these charts, slideshows, graphs, videos, spreadsheets, graphic design animation, what-have-you…and I showed up with a single-column handout. That looked like I had typed it out right before the class. I got an A on the presentation, but scored lowest out of 200 people on “presentation materials.”

• This morning I remembered that I was freak dancing with Danielle’s Big’s boyfriend at formal Saturday night and he randomly asked me what my favorite letter is. Regrettably, I answered with “DUH, it’s R” He asked why, to which I responded “because RRRRRrrrraaaaaaarrrrarrrrr” whilst doing a sexual cheetah-clawing motion at him…awkward.
• C: Some advice…never mix screwdrivers and foam crush parties. You WILL smell like orange juice, and you WILL make the exact same face in every. single. picture.

• I seriously am the most awkward person alive. I should not be allowed to interact with people. For one of my rolls of film, I took a picture of these two puppets my dad brought back from Thailand. I had just made a test of the contact sheet with those pictures on it when in swoops the fabulous Iwan [legendary hip photo professor at AU] with his fabulous Gucci shoes and matching belt all- “Darling, let me see that.” So I hand him my contact sheet all nervous like. He sees the picture of the Thai dolls and goes: “Ohh! You have Asian parents?? You were adopted, that’s FAHHHBULOUS!” My response: “…Yes. Yes I have Asian parents.” Iwan: “That is fabulous!” Me: “…Yea, adoptions not bad.” WHAT THE HELL?! Who does that?? So he can never meet my parents and/or I’ll have to hire Asian actors to be my parents if he ever needs to meet them.
• C: This is just funny. Nothing about my family, except I think I was the only kid at my college who had divorced parents.

• This morning in Gender in Society, we were discussing “The Glass Escalator” which is when men enter “women’s fields” like teaching and get promoted quickly to administrative positions because they are men…patriarchy…matrix of domination…blah blah blah. Anyway, all I could think of was Mr. Feeny from “Boy Meets World” and how he was first their middle school teacher and then followed them to high school and finally was promoted to became a college professor. Mr. Feeny like owned the Glass Escalator. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about how hot Eric Mathews was. And how comical Rider Strong’s name is, and how odd it is that he’s gay. Who knew?! Then I realized why I have an A in the class and a D in participation. So when I was walking to Art of the Renaissance, I was still thinking about my Mr. Feeny-Glass-Escalator-Theory and blatantly tripped and fell flat on my face in the quad, producing a giant cut on my leg, which was bleeding during class. So there I am, bleeding-out in the middle of class trying to take notes and maintain consciousness. Why is my life so awkward?
• C: Why did I not know Rider Strong was gay?? (Ride-her Strong, tee-hee!!)

• [This is a story about doing a design project with a senior designer who I had a crush on when I was a freshman] It was one of those situations where in your head you’re thinking, “OMG WHY ARE YOU BEING SO AWKWARD?! THIS IS NOT YOU! SAY SOMETHING BACK TO HIM, HE JUST ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION!!!” and all that comes out is “Uhh, yea. Good stuff.” I think I said “good stuff” like 80 times. And of all the lame things to say, why “good stuff”?? We later had to relocate to the design lab in McKinley. Once we got there, he used this random-ass back entrance that I didn’t know existed. I didn’t want him to think that I was some amateur 19 year-old design girl, so I was like err yea I know where I’m going. So we walk in and I head for the left hall and he heads right. Hot Design Boy: “Oh…you go that way?” Me (trying not to star in amateur hour): “Oh yea…all the time. But let’s go your way!” Hot Design Boy: “Oh no, I want to see your way, I didn’t even know you could go this way.” Me (thinking ‘oh shit I have no fucking clue where I’m going, this building is a maze’): “Umm okay…follow me!” So I lead him around the building for like 5 minutes not knowing where the hell I’m going. At every intersection he’d go one way and I’d go another and he’d be like “Oh…you can go that way?” until finally he was like “…you don’t know where you’re going, do you?” ::Meg hangs head in shame:: “That’s correct, sir.” So. painfully. awkward.
• C: If you knew me, at all, you knew about either Hot BIC Brian, or Reid the English grad student. Or Both. Because I literally drooled whenever they came around.

 

• I awkwardly outed Andrew to our entire comm class today. We were sitting in class at the conference table and Andrew informed everyone that the British Navy is apparently trying to recruit gay men. So I slapped Andrew on the back and said, “HAHA! Looks like you’re going to sea Andrew!” He was not thrilled. But that just gets him back for the time we were having lunch with a bunch of people that I didn’t know and he chose to break a lull in conversation with “Hey, did you guys know that Meg invented the blow job and now calls it a “Row Job?”
• C: Chase??

• This morning when I was walking back to my apartment, Scott Kalman (better known as “Sweater Vest Scott”) was approaching. We proceeded to (and in COMPLETE synchronization) do the meeting of eyes and slow head-nod to acknowledge each other. However, we did this social ritual faaarr too early. So after we did the head-nod, we were still walking towards each other for about 10 more seconds. And we were both listening to ipods, so we couldn’t really do the “How are you?” courtesy conversation to pass the time, so we both just kind of awkwardly kept nodding our heads. It was intensely awkward. And I couldn’t help but laugh. Which added to the awkwardasity of the situation. It reminded me of the time over the summer where I ran into Jeremy and we hugged, but he added the courtesy cheek kiss to the mix. I hadn’t taken him for the kind of guy who busts out the courtesy cheek kiss, so I didn’t reciprocate, instead I thought about how I really didn’t take him for a courtesy cheek kisser and then I was like shit, COURTESY CHEEK KISS BACK ASAP! So, a delayed five seconds after our hug was over I was like…….MWAAAA, and kissed him on the cheek, which at that point just seemed like a random and oddly affectionate thing to do to someone I’m not that great of friends with. Awkward.
• C: Any of my fraternity guy friends…or J, my “we’re going to date but not really even though we don’t really see anyone else because we’re in college and shouldn’t have titles” thing.

There’s a fine line between quirky and Asperger’s. And apparently in college I was flirting with that line. A lot.

Is Katie Holmes Rebelling?

I mean, when she and Tom first got together, she was hailed as a fashion maven. She was on every cover of every magazine and everyone was always talking about her classic yet daring style, her beauty, and her ability to pull off any look because she looks like a supermodel-meets-girl-next-door. However, as time has progressed, she has been criticized for certain choices (remember the rolled wide-leg  mom jeans and baggy sweater), cut her hair to an almost questionable crop (and why does she always have to do what Victoria Beckham does? Let that style icon be), and it has even been said that the fashion sense Katie once had for herself is now completely bestowed upon Suri.

Well, Katie’s most recent red carpet appearance is the most stunning/confusing of all. She pulls not one but TWO MAJOR style dares…extensions back to her Dawson’s Creek/Batman Begins length (ahhh the early days…before she was 25 years old) AND – dare I say it? – stirrup pants. Yes, look closely, those are most definitely stirrup pants:

Stirrup pants, extensions, and neon, OH MY!

SO, my question is – has Katie had enough of being stifled by the radical ways of Scientology? Is this her way of “breaking out”? Will Suri soon have extensions, too?? Only time will tell!

FMyLife

You know those days where things just keep happening and it makes you wish that the day would just end? Well, yesterday was almost one of those days. It was what I like to call a “clumsy-day” or an “oaf-day” where everything that might go wrong, does, especially within a 10-foot radius of my body.

Yesterday morning, to start off, I spilled the entire content’s of a used coffee filter all over the kitchen floor. Wet, dripping, nasty coffee grinds all over my legs, feet, rug, and wood floor – basically everywhere except the trash can and empty, wet, brown filter still in my hand. Then my adorable-yet-ornery-and-mischievious dog Harold decided he wanted to help clean up…by EATING said coffee grinds. So it was, I’m sure, a hilarious sight to see me on one knee, holding Harold back with one hand and scooping up wet coffee grinds with the other.

Then, I dropped and broke my hair brush while blow drying my hair. It’s a WOODEN brush, and it’s not supposed to break.

I ran into the counter and bruised my knee.

I left horrible messages and made awkward calls at work.

I tripped when I was running at the gym.

But to top it all off…my car got hit at lunch yesterday. Story: I was CAREFULLY backing out of my parking space, which happened to be right inside the entrance to the parking lot (very small quaint little health food cafe with VERY limited parking). I shift into Reverse, check my mirrors, check the cars in all the other spots, and even check oncoming traffic, in which I see no one with their signal on to turn into the lot. I back up about 5 feet, when all of a sudden I see a FLASH of silver and hear a sickening *CRUNCH*. So what to do? I pull back into my parking spot, and a little old lady driving a little silver Saturn pulls next to me (into what was in fact NOT a parking spot, because there were no lines, she was blocking in another car, AND she was in front of a Dumpster – illegal!). Anyway, you know on the Saturn commercials how they show a shopping cart running into a car door, and the door pops back out? I now know what that sounds like, because when I pulled forward, I heard a definite *POP*. We both got out to survey the damage, and her little Saturn had what looked like 3 hail spots on it (please explain how the back right corner of my Honda Civic bumper would cause that?). And MY car, my beautiful, burgundy, only-had-it-six-months Honda baby had a BIG BLACK GASH across the right corner. A horizontal gash. Which any basic law of physics will tell you that SHE. HIT. ME. This was further compounded by the fact that not-so-cute little old lady then says, “I didn’t even see you or that you had your backup lights on…until you hit me.” Um, Excuse Me?? I’m not the crazy one who pulled into a parking lot directly behind a moving car!

Anyway, upon inspecting both our cars, she THEN said, “How about we just call it even?” And given that the damage on her cheap little car was more than on my sturdy beautiful Honda, combined with the fact that I had to get back to work, I obliged. I guess I can just buy a paint kit…

SO the point is, I had a rough day yesterday. The other point is, there’s a website that you can go to that will make you feel better about the crappy things that happen to you. F***MyLife. Little tidbits left by others about how bad things happen to them, they share it, and they really don’t care. Every bit starts with “Today…” and ends with “FML.” Which is exactly how I ended yesterday.

Hugs,

C